Erotic Massage Guide
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Erotic Massage Guide

Conscious Breathing

Regular, conscious breathing is a powerful way to enhance both relaxation massage and erotic massage. If the receiving partner forgets to breathe, the massaging partner can remind him or her by breathing rhythmically and audibly. Some partners find that synchronizing the breathing between the two of them leads to wonderful sensations. Just don't hyperventilate... 

Prostate Stimulation

An advanced technique in male genital massage is to stimulate the man's prostate gland at the same time one is stimulating the penis. This can be done with a finger an inch or two inside his anus, pressing on the dome shape found in the direction of the penis. When stimulating the prostate, you should wear latex gloves, have short fingernails (or else pack cotton balls around your fingernails and then put gloves on), and use lots of lube. Part of what some beginners find novel about anal penetration is that it makes one feel as if one has to go to the bathroom. By going to the bathroom pretty thoroughly before beginning play, one may have an easier time not interpreting this new sensation in the old context. Pressing on the prostate gland during ejaculation, or when a man is close to ejaculation, can feel wonderful. It is also possible for some men to have ejaculatory orgasms through prostate stimulation alone. 

Simultaneous Pleasuring

Once each partner has sufficient experience with his or her own sexual response, they may wish to try mutual stimulation. This is best done on a bed, rather than on a massage table. Simply lie down facing each other, heads close together, and pleasure each other with your hands. Again, for men slightly pulling away or giving some other cue when ejaculation is imminent will allow play to continue. 

Why Relaxation Massage?

bulletIt's a great way to give someone an experience of being totally taken care of and free of any responsibilities. 
bulletIt's good for the body. Any book on therapeutic massage will list a number of positive, documented effects of massage on the body and mind. 
bulletIt feels good. 

Why Erotic Massage?

bulletErotic massage is one of the best ways to help someone achieve extended, multiple, or "whole body" orgasmic states. 
bulletYou can't get pregnant from erotic massage, even if you aren't using any sort of birth control. Thus, it's a great way for male/female couples without access to birth control to make love. 
bulletWhen intact latex gloves are used, there is no risk of STD transmission regardless of what sort of genital or anal pleasuring is being performed. Most people find latex gloves easier to deal with and less intrusive than condoms or dental dams. Furthermore, if your skin is healthy and you aren't going to be coming into contact with infected skin or body fluids, then gloves aren't necessary at all. 
bulletMassage provides a space to learn to give and receive pleasure, and gives the receiving partner a chance to feel completely cared for by the massaging partner. 
bulletIt feels good. 

A Complete Erotic Massage (for Men or Women)

(by Society for Human Sexuality) 

  1. Start by setting the space. The room should be warm enough for someone to be comfortable lying down naked in it (at least 78 degrees). Play some soft music, and possibly burn some incense. Turn off any phones and put a "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door. The room lights should be low or off, and candles should be lit if possible. 
  2. Letting the receiving partner take a hot bath or sit in a steam room or sauna before the massage is a good idea - this will open the pores and make the massage feel twice as nice. 
  3. If you can take your sheets, blankets, and/or towels out of the dryer just before beginning your massage, they will be warm and feel wonderful to the receiving partner. 
  4. Do a sort of "interview" with your partner if necessary. Ask them about any fantasies they have (which you can incorporate into "hot talk" later), if they're ticklish anywhere, if any part of their body is injured, etc. Ask how they masturbate. Learning whether they like G-spot stimulation, prostate stimulation, and/or vibrators is valuable. 
  5. Have the receiving partner start out face down, lying on the sheet and blanket. Remind him or her to breathe slowly and regularly. Place your hands on the receiving partner's upper and lower back, asking that person to imagine with each breath sinking lower and lower into the table. Rest like this for a little while. 
  6. Take a long feather. Say, "I'm going to run a feather over your back. Put all your awareness into the place where the feather is touching you." Slowly run the feather up and down your partner's body. 
  7. Take a fur mitten. Tell your partner to "Just enjoy this sensation." Run it all over their body. 
  8. Start your massage on your partner's back. Proceed to his or her neck, legs, and feet. Kiss the back of your partner's neck every once in a while. 
  9. Have your partner turn over, possibly offering an eye pillow if the room is too bright. Run the fur mitten over the front of their body. 
  10. Massage the front of your partner's feet and legs. 
  11. Tease your partner's genitals, inner thighs and/or nipples. 
  12. Massage your partner's abdomen. 
  13. Massage your partner's arms and hands. 
  14. Circle your partner's nipples with your palms, keeping your mouth by his or her ear. Take this opportunity to say anything sexy and encouraging that comes to mind. Let your body language reflect the fun you are having. 
  15. Use teasing, brushing strokes over your partner's genitals. Tell your partner to "Imagine an arousing heat slowly building in your genitals and spreading outwards." 
  16. Do genital massage, to orgasm's) if possible or desired. Many women will also enjoy it if a vibrator is gracefully included as part of this. 
  17. Cover your partner with a blanket and rest your hands on his or her heart and genitals. Rest like this for a while. 

Pleasuring Your Lover's Sex Centers



The basic principle of male genital massage is that you should slow down, stop, or change what you are doing just before ejaculation becomes inevitable. The best way to accomplish this is for the man to give a signal just before this point is reached. Verbal cues, raising a hand, pulling away slightly, or even subtle body language cues can all work well. This repeated "peaking" process can sometimes help men learn to have multiple orgasms without ejaculating, and can also be practiced during solo masturbation. Although delaying ejaculation during the course of the massage is desirable from the perspective of maximizing pleasure, many partners do like to finish the massage with one. Ejaculation provides a considerable spark of pleasure, but can leave men too fatigued to enjoy the rest of the evening or do a good job massaging their partner; opposite-sex partners who like to finish male genital massage with ejaculation should have the woman receive her massage first. 

It's also fun to encourage your partner with hot talk (possibly weaving together a verbal fantasy based on your partner's desires). Letting your partner know verbally and non-verbally that you're actively enjoying his pleasure can be a powerful aphrodisiac. 

As an aside, it should be noted that a nice feature of male genital massage is that an erection is not required for it to feel good; some massage strokes actually feel BETTER when the penis is soft. 

Suggested Genital Massage Strokes

There are many different massage strokes that feel good on male genitals. Unless he indicates otherwise, it's usually safe to assume that firm and consistent stroking will feel best. I'm going to present a few favourite strokes below, but you can make up your own, refer to Appendix A, or examine the resources in this guide's "Learning More about Massage" section to learn dozens of additional strokes. One approach that some people favour is selecting two favourite strokes, and for a period of time alternating between them every once in a while. 

"Healing Stroke" - With the penis resting on the belly, cup the balls with one hand. The heel of the palm of the other hand glides up and down the underside of the penis all the way to the tip. (Body Electric School handout) 

"Anvil Stroke" - Bring one hand down, letting it stroke the penis from the top all the way to the bottom. When it hits the bottom, release it. Meanwhile bring your other hand to the top of the penis and repeat the stroke, creating an alternating motion. (internet Alt.Sex FAQ) 

"Climbing the Mountain" - Take the penis in one hand and gently, sensuously caress it for about ten seconds, then give it one quick up-and-down stroke. Repeat the sensuous caressing for about ten seconds (perhaps using slow up-and-down strokes), and then give the penis two quick up-and-down strokes. Repeat the caressing, then give three quick strokes, etc. Continue until ejaculation approaches inevitability. (SM 101, 2nd Ed.) 


It's up to the two of you whether to finish with an ejaculation. If you do, then pleasuring can continue all the way through ejaculation and until your partner asks you to stop. At the end of the massage (whether or not there is an ejaculation), the sheet/blanket combination can be folded up over the person on the table to provide a warm cocoon. This can be a time of profound peace and contentment together.